Tuesday, 16 September 2014

Silverclub



Theres been another big gap since the last blog post. Not because of writers block or owt like that. Just been mad busy which I suppose is one of them ‘good problems’ to av. A phrase often uttered by turds. Busy with what? Well theres at least 6 releases about to drop all in the next few months including

Red Laser Disco – Hits From The Manctalo Discotheque (double vinyl compilation album of rare and classic italo records) Blaine (My man on the artwork) - Only one L in ILL Bosco Gee 



Red Laser EP6 (Out just now) (Nick Smith, LeonxLeon, Hot Sporran and Starion)




Red Laser EP7 (Metrodome, Kid Machine and Si Fi Systems)




Kid Machine – Red Planet EP (Deep dark space tackle)




Ste Spandex EP2 (taxed this image Gee. Get on wi ya artwork init)



And this absolute fukin monster of a twelve

Silverclub – Back to The Start EP


Up till now Red Laser has only released the work of lone producers dotted around Europe. The first year was great. I realised we were doing something that was different and relevant. The parties we did got busier. The demos flowed in from all over the world from people we never met. And I started to see an old face around the scene. Duncan Jones has always been a part of Manchester’s underground music as a musician and producer. Amongst many other releases over the years he had released an album with Silverclub a few years earlier and following that LP there was a change within the bands line-up and direction. When he sent me the new music I was immediately gobsmacked. A real band making discoid acid synth jizz!!! And they in my city!!! WHAT THE FEEERRRRRK!! All the things I love about alternative music are in these tracks. Thick analogue percussive vibrancy has a scrap with a sophisticated discoid lyricism resulting in shaky legs, adrenaline overdosed heightened senses and a fuck yeah fist in the air for every track on this ep. Red Laser had to put this out. We had to rep this band. Im just glad they came to us first. The EP is a masterpiece and seeing them do it live is un-believable. You can catch them playing at the EP launch Party at the Deaf Institute Manchester on 24th September CLICK HERE for the event.. Theres another band supporting and Me and Peter Mangalore DJin. 



Regarding the Vinyl release you can pre order here (CLICK HERE) direct and listen to the tracks and read my track descriptions. OR you wait till it hits all the usual underground record shops around the UK and Europe  but better for me if you order here as the more we sell direct from our site the better chance we can break even or even make some money to keep this shit alive!  yah meeen?




Other shit that happened was the Bank holiday weekend. Went up to Hebden Bridge for a night out and stayed in one o those air B&B’s in the hills with the Mrs and friends Emma and Steve. Felt like the owner must have been homeless for the night as the gaff was, well, her fukin house!!!; with everything still in it including pictures of her son Cosmo! I know he’s called Cosmo because I read his homework! You gotta hand it to those Hebden Cats in the liberal stakes. They make Choltonites look like National Front. Anyway the gaff was a proper old-school cottage which was mint and props for having a vinyl collection and record deck too (Nowt worth robbin though). Anyways that night I was guest DJ at established thills rave InkFolk. What a top gaff and great people. Chris and Charlotte the promoters looked after us really well even though they had been up for 2 days solid partying. Got back in bed at 7am, ad a vally and slept till 11. Bacon butty and over to set up the Wet Laser BBQ.


Wet Laser BBQ Gets Goin




What a venue (Pic robbed off Daren Woods Facebook)




Inside the Brewery's Arches


That was off the fukin chart! A piss up in a brewery in Salford with an amazing soundsytem outside under even more amazing railway arches, with no bouncers fukin with peoples vibe (That was left to me and Marsh) and loads of homeless minesweeping beers while everybody got busy avin a mega time.  Then it moved into the brewery where we had another party and then when that finished we fucked off down the Roadhouse where we had another party (Big breath aaaaaghhhhhh). Big up to Kwasi for bobbin in on his way home from Blackpool and gettin on the mic.and also to LeonxLeon who danced from 1pm to 8am solid with only a break to DJ 

Actual photo from the Roadhouse



The worst bit of the whole 13 hours  was having to dispose of the human turd at the entrance to the BBQ. When asked “How do you know its human?” I simply pointed at the skid stained tissue next to it and said “That’s some dog that can wipe its own arse". Big props to the Wet Play crew for goin twos up with the promotion and special thanks to Randall Marsh for sharing all the dirty jobs like the a fore mentioned turd removal. 


Currently working on Wine reviews 3 for all yall who gittin cold turkey, Whiskey reviews, 80’s New Romantic bible records (You wanna see the stash of this shit I found in Macduff recently) and Il Bosco’s Christmas gift ideas (Meant to do this is June but got side tracked)

Il Bosco

Tuesday, 22 July 2014

THE HISTORY OF THE BBQ


Back in somewhere in the early noughties, while doing the Friends & Family parties, I had fucked up light bulb moment! I decided I would do an outdoor version of the party. That idea may not sound ground breaking to most people, but to attempt an outdoor club night in the wettest city of the wettest country in Europe was pretty fukin radical Gee! 



Times were grim and we hadn’t had a summer for 4 years for fucks sake! I found a nice outdoor space at the back of a bar called Kro and booked a bunch of local vinyl collectors and record shop workers to DJ. As the day of the event got nearer it rained every day until the night before, then, miraculously, it was dry and warm for the party and then the following day it pissed it down. I had been blessed. (The Gods love a trier eh!) 


Over the next ten years I would do umpteen more BBQ parties eventually morphing it into the Red Laser BBQ as the record label started and to reflect my changing musical tastes. The change obviously wasn’t for some old schoolers who had indulged in Funk, Jazz and Hip Hop in its Friends and Family form but for others the exciting sounds of Italo, Boogie and generally good types of house music made the event fresh and new.


Then, early this year, I tried to book my usual Kro Bar and got the knock back from the venue. WHAAATTT!!!! The venue owners blamed it on problems with noise complaints from the Church next door (We always had to turn the music down for Sunday mass from 5pm – 6pm and pay the Vicar in liquor the piss head) and the crowd not drinking enough booze from the bar so the venue could make up their promo costs. The venue’s promo costs you say??!! Yes a venue that paid a promoter to put the event on not the other way round. Could you believe my luck?. I had been on a top screw for 8 years as the venue paid for the sound and the promotion to the tune of a grand. When finally another set of promoters asked to do a BBQ (Taxin my fukin idea AND venue) my financial screw became untangled as the new crew let the cat outa the bag the turds! You can imagine them askin the owner how much did HE want for the hire of the venue and then the owner scratchin his head like “What? You pay me? But I’ve been payin Woody for 8 fukin years!!” 


But everything happens for a reason eh!! Just as I was deciding to knock it on the head I was chattin to Randy Marsh of Wet Play and he had an idea for something similar with local boogie crew and music lovers The Social Service. The Social crew had been the offered an amazing new venue in a brewery on the outskirts of Manchester city centre in Salford (Even better it’s in the land of my birth) called The First Chop Brewing Arm. Not only that I knew the owner Rick as a Fat City Records regular from back in the day and he’s a fukin dude. Because it was Rick I knew this gaff was gonna be dope without even lookin but when I finally did see it I couldn’t believe how amazing it was.  After some toing and froing and much love from all three parties the Wet Laser BBQ is born. 



So now all that’s left is to give you the run-down of amazing selectors booked for the event and keep our fingers crossed for the weather.



James Holroyd (Back To Basics / Begin)

Jim or Boggy as he is known to friends is somewhat of a legend and inspiration to many DJ and producer worth his/her salt in Manchester and mucho further afield. Not only is he a great DJ (Defo one of Manchester’s finest), he has impeccable taste in music. The best club journeys are created when selector knowledge and DJ skills collide and Jim has an abundance of both. He has been producing music for years and his latest Begin project has created a string of instant Balearic classic records. Check em out here (Click)

Mikey Donn (Band On The Wall / Krispy)

Again another legend. Mikey is more well known as one third of UK Hip Hop pioneers the Krispy 3 and as a regular spinner on the Reggae and Bashment circuit but not many people realise how good Mikey is spinning Boogie, Disco, Acid House and everything in-between. Anybody who attended the Red Laser BBQ a few years back will remember how he obliterated the gaff!!! This guy is a sick DJ. Check him out here (CLICK)

Randy Marsh (Full Beam / Wet Play)

Full Beam and Wet Play man Marsh jams the boogie like it was his last day on earth. When he aint working on bonkers creations (Red Laser Desk brighteners, Marital Aids, Il Bosco Kemp Folds etc) he’s spinnin boogie down the gravy pit and various underground nights around Manchester. All you style biters bring your note pads and pens as you are sure to hear a whole heap of jams you can rob and claim as your own (Turds). Check his mixes here (CLICK)

DJ sonofapizzaman (Full Beam)

He’s Randy’s DJ partner at Full Beam and an avid collector of boogie and Italo vinyl’s that you aint heard before. Don’t ask him where he got his DJ name from. The clue is in the title you muppet. Top head. Top spinner. Check his mixes here (CLICK)

The Disco Mums (Red Laser)

The toppest bunch of DJ girls in the UK and residents of Red Laser Disco. I aint heard any girl DJ’s that play better choons than these and all vinyl too. Just avoid em when its rag week. They been DJin  together solid for 3 years now so they all come on at the same time. FIYAH!!! Check their mixtapes here (CLICK)

Il Bosco (Red Laser Records / Fat City)

That’s me!
Check me out init – (CLICK)

Metrodome (Red Laser Records / Wet Play)

This cat has so much showbiz talent he shits sequins. Nobody gets lost in the enjoyment of Djin more than Metrodome. Not only that his fukin selections are the bomb. Its always a real treat watchin this guy do his thang. I cant decide if he’s better at DJin or producing. Get the idea here how good this guy is here (CLICK)

Kickin’ Pigeon (Wet Play)

Pidge brings deep house and quality techno knowledge as his specialities but don’t pigeon hole this G. As one of the Wet Play crew he brings amazing eclecticism and is knowledgeable in all genres. As you guessed he’s a brillo DJ (As if we gonna put on anyone shite!!!) and always brings class and surprises to his DJ sets - (CLICK)

The Social Service

The crew that bring Manchester one of the best underground nights in years. They don’t even need to do their thing in the city centre. In fact it’s that good they don’t even do it in a trendy suburb!!! The Social Service jam their shit in Stretford. These guys have a combined record collection of super gems. They DJ with passion and skill and never fail to rock the fukin joint. Check there vibe here (CLICK)



At the time of writing there may be a couple of super special guests in the pipeline. We just finalizing the late night after party sitch so watch the event page for any updates (Event page click here)

Traditionally the BBQ sells out. Admittedly the tickets usually sell out a few days before so no rush (Just don’t forget)

Tickets available here from skiddle (CLICK TO BUY TICKETS)

And from Piccadilly records in Manchester - (CLICK)


So here we have the all new improved BBQ the Wet Laser BBQ happnin in a venue that will blow peoples melons apart. We don’t get paid to do it here! All the love is pumped into makin this an experience for all that attend. And as for Kro Bar, so what I lost my cash cow. Those times were mutually beneficial and really should be the blueprint for all promoters as it’s always less risk for a venue. The BBQ’s at Kro helped me raise the money to start Red Laser Records and paid for a load of expensive B0 posters too. Anyone want any let me know got 10 from each event takin up space in mi garage send a message to redlaserrecords@gmail.com


I got no beef with Kro and the owner Mark I gotta heap of respect for as a straight talkin entrepreneur with his feet on the ground. Anyway for those who missed out on last month’s free promoters spread sheet giveaway click here to download and spread the link to friends who may need assistance in managing their costs (CLICK)


Il Bosco

Thursday, 3 July 2014

BBQ, New Releases, Spread Sheet & Gibberish




Il Bosco has been a busy man over the last 6 months and thinkin bout where to even start with this blog post is difficult. Where does one begin!!!  Well im gonna slip into pro mode style and break out the logic thinkin.



Blog Agenda
  1. Red Laser Releases
  2. Incoming events and DJ gigs
  3. Mancunian Jibberish
  4. Free Download  of all singing all dancing Excel spread sheet for useless promoters
  5. Summary



Section 1 – Red Laser releases

Yeah we been quiet for a while. 6 months from the last release is a bit too long but now the clip is full and we ready to shoot G’s. All releases available here just keep a look out for updates - CLICK HERE TO BUY

First up - Starions – Mindbender EP.

Check this shit. Crystal clear cyber italo and italo boogie jams. This cats like ahead of his time. Your useless mates who are into Lana Del Ray and shop in Urban Outfitters will be bangin on about this shit in 20 years the turds. By that time we gonna be on crazy shit like Autotune Hardcore or summat.  We did 50 only artwork sleeves for this release. We posted on Facebook with the link to buy. Within 3 hours all 50 were gone. SOLD OUT!!!!  The proper release comes out soon in the newly designed Red Laser house jackets. If you want a Starion release and get a beady eye on Discogs and snap before the mega price tags start poppin. But just in case you didn’t know there are 3 uber ultra spezialize test press EP’s with super rare extra goodies available here ONLY – The Pyramid Suite (CLICK HERE)
Next up - Red Laser Records EP 6

4 more tracks curated to express just what goes down in Manchester and gives the true taste of Red Laser. Manchester is a city of music lovers. We don’t give a fuck what anyone else thinks. This is our sound. Starion brings the Italo, Nick Smith brings the Warehouse, LeonxLeon brings the DISCO and Hot Sporran brings the darkness. More details to follow but eben off the test pressings the gang have been dropping the tracks. LeonxLeons track has obliterated a few dancefloors already after DJ Emerald of the Disco Mums taxed it from Red Laser HQ. Again there are 4 uber ultra spezialize test press EP’s with super rare extra goodies available here ONLY – The Pyramid Suite – Click Here MORE DETAILS TO FOLLOW (I just cutted and pasted that line from above. Being lazy. Ope it don’t show)




 More you say - Ste Spandex EP 2

The unmistakable, uncompromising sound of Ste Spandex is back on this 4 track 12” featuring Red Laser regular Sarah Bates. The boogie ethos features heavy on this EP. The test pressings came back the other week but we cut an old version and it had to be redone. New tests back soon but that means theres 4 EP’s with a track that should never have gone on them. I got one. Ste got the rest. RARE SHIT!!! Hunt that fuker down!! Proper release imminent. More info to follow in the coming weeks



EVEN MORE!!!!!!! Fuck yeah!! - Kid Machine – Red Planet EP 

I aint even gonna go on about how good this shit is. All im sayin is – ON CONSTANT REPEAT IN BOSCO’S GAFF – CONSTANT G. This is a fukin heavy heavy heavy heavy heavy EP. More details soon

Surely there can’t be more? Fuck yes, and don’t call me Shirley!

RED LASER DISCO DOUBLE COMPILATION LP – RARE AS ROCKING HORSE SHIT ITALO BANGERS. 

After being dogged with recording and mastering issues we have nearly finished a project that has been 2 years in the making. MORE INFO SOON
Ok that’s the release stuff nailed.


Section 2 – Incoming events. Plenty appnin to us over the next few months but eres the pick

Wet Laser BBQ – Sunday August 24th – First Chop Brewery

After loads of mithering from everyone that went to the Red Laser BBQ’s we goin in for the mega session. Red Laser and good mates Wet Play are doing a joint affair. Just like when all the Power Rangers merge into a massive kick ass G Red Laser and Wet Play will become one huge Mechadisco to slay all discos with weapons of mass vinyl gems complete with Jamaican BBQ scrannage bombs (Jek Chicken and Goat and Akees n stuff). Not even that Mothra could defeat us sonically. Anyway what was fuck was that moth about? If Godzilla had any brains he’d of just rolled up a massive sheet of paper and swotted the cunt. Er,, im digressing. Full line up to be revealed as some of our favourite DJ’s have agreed to play. Things kick off at 3pm outdoors. If the weathers bad it don’t matter. We got a big grotty archway to do our thing under. If its sunny we just step outa the shadow of the arch. Simple!!! Later the event moves into the indoor club space till late. It’s a fantactic place with a fantastic soundsystem so get yer cheap tickets asap. £7 nicker for the first 50 sold then we goin £8 quids. The BBQ’s always sell out. Just sayin!! - GET UR TICKETS HERE



Electric Elephant

If yer out in Croatia come check us. I’m playin with Groove Armarda and the Una Bombers in Barberellas nightclub from 12 – 2 on the Saturday night. If your too mangled to make that then catch me on the main stage on the Sunday from 9pm till 11pm with Darren Green and Ashley Beadle. CLICK HERE FOR DETAILS




Section 3 – Mancunian Jibberish

Shut yuh grid
Do one yuh Bulb
Sort yuh napper out
Fukin leg it
Go fag it
Buzzin tackle
Top jib
Nice one ar kid
Giv a shit
Nar mate
Ava day off
U got the cleanest arse in Manchester. All yuh shit comes outa yuh mouth
Lick u out
Suck ya bulb
Laters



Section 4 – Free Un-download of promoter spread sheet - Stop Press!!! I gotta download link - http://we.tl/68DUw522Fp

Here I made this just for all you promoters that are shit with money. Now you can manage your costs and make informed predictions when promoting your next party with the all singin all dancing multi coloured promoter spread sheet. Input  numbers and costs in the boxes lined red. This will update the final totals boxes for you to breakdown yo shit financially. As the p[rofit rises the profit box changes colour from in the Red to in the Green. Use the fucker wisely and you may even make some doe on your next event!!
If you want the spread sheet after the link has run out leave your email address as a comment and i will send it over. Happy forecasting yo



Section 5 – Summary

So now your up to date with all that’s happnin in my world right now. You got the release schedule, you got the event dates, you rockin some faux Manc Jargon and you makin doe with your spread sheet. Look out for Wine reviews “THE SUMMER SPECIAL” comin soon. Stay safe heads


Il Bosco

Friday, 16 May 2014

Readers Waves


Many producers will instantly notice a wave with great form. Sometimes you know you just gotta use a sound when its wave looks beautiful even if you have no need for it within a composition. This blog post is an outlet for some Red Laser Readers to share their sexiest waves and for some others to look on them in an act of voyeurism. Real waves from real people. No airbrushing or touched up shit you get in the magazines.


Kid Machines Wave – Wythenshawe, Manchester



Shaped like a wizards butt plug Kid Machines wave looks ready to penetrate your earholes deeeeep.  You can tell that the long bend is there to maximise joy and deliver that ‘ribbed for your pleasure’ message. Machines wave has gone for the classic monochrome look which shows the body off nicely with its figure hugging black design and what a curvy figure it is ! I’d love to wrap my lobes around that unit! Curvy wavey slut YES


Loge’s Wave – Halifax, Yorkshire


This fucker came with an ‘approach with caution’ message from Loge himself. “Careful you don’t instantly Jizz in your pants” he warned before i scrolled down to reveal this beautiful plump grub like ear tickler. It’s clear from his wave that Loge is partial to a bit of a scrubber. She’s an ‘off the estate’ gal who’s overweight in all the wright places. Its bulges are nicely complemented by the retro green screen glow of his hardware. I recon Log’s wave has vinyl origins as it’s quite the hairy bitch. I must say Loge I love that ‘wave next door’ vibe. Defo hot and achievable.


Moodymanc’s Wave – Whalley Range, Manchester


This mucky wave dropped into the readers waves PO Box from deep house maestro MoodyManc. This beautiful slice of sound porn is one of his favourite Zildjian ride’s on repeat and fuck me does that look like a good ride.  Even better, I always like a wave that’s presented well and Moodymancs is sensually compressed and draped in tasteful shades of green, finishing the outfit in a flattering innocent white although I bet this filthy fuck is far from innocent. Spam dressed as Lamb yo. This funky bitch is perfect audio wave smut. 15 outa 10


LeonxLeon’s Wave – Paris, France


Sacré bleu!!!!!!!  “””Wow!!!!””” This wave is exceeding all the ‘French Wave’ stereotypes. I’ve already cracked off a couple o wanks before writing and I’m booking in one more before I make it to the end of this review. It’s not often I get jealous of another man’s wave but fuck me this is ridiculous!!! Just look at the form! It’s a real treat to see those perfect curves set in classic radar black and simply glowing in the finest old school green. Shit G, this bitch is classy. Like outa my league shit. The kind of centre fold poster from ‘Playwave Magazine’ I had on my wall as a teenager. This truly is a treat from his DX7 Synth. LeonxLeon we salute you. Royal wank bank tackle.


Il Bosco’s Wave – Stretford, Manchester

It don’t feel right not to share my own waves so check this juicy biatch. This is a perfect analogue kick outa the Roland 808 and into the XL2000. You can see she has none of the hairy frizz you get with a sample off a record just straight clean curves. It’s a shaven raver with the smooth edges and a big booty to boot. Fire her up and watch those bassbins wobble. Its playin it safe with the classic early MPC monochrome outfit but that’s the best colour for complimenting those bulky lower frequencies. God daaaaaammmmmm you a sexy wave!!!!


Ste Spandex’s Wave – Levenshulme, Manchester


Check whats Spandex is doin to his waves the kinky bastard!! After getting twisted during 12 hour phet fuelled studio jams in his rave cave he starts getting all Jophrey Beratheon on those bitches by sending them through organite compressors and over the singularity of a CEM Chip black hole to stretch em out. Check that chubby wave get stretched thin as it passes through. If you wanted to shave some bulk of it you could have trimmed it you twisted fuck!! Still Spandex has managed to make his wave damn sexy. From shit to fit. Although a little scrawny for my taste I can still appreciate a tall and pretty catwalk wave tickling my orifices any day of the week. Its an erratic ugly bitch to begin with then classy Vogue tackle at the end. Work it you scrawney wave!!!!


Starion’s Wave – Stretford, Manchester


Starion’s simply called his wave ‘The Clap’ so I was unsure if what I was opening was STD riddled and corrupted!!! Instead we can see Starion likes a hairy one!! Check out the un-kempt frizz on that stereo clap! Starion you dirty bastard. I suppose it takes all kinds to make the world and I’d be lying if I didn’t have my ‘hairy preference’ days. Theres something quite naughty but nice about shaving pube riddled waves with a compressor. When I’m feeling like a dirty little bastard I’ll even add growth by time stretching the fuker. Starions clap still has a great shape and its tastefully presented in 2 shades of blue. Bit o blue for the dads eh Starion?? 

I'd like to thank all the readers that sent their waves. Apologies to those that didnt make the Readers Waves section this time but keep sending. I'll keep any classics to one side for the next feature and the rest for my own personal collection. 


Il Bosco

Saturday, 10 May 2014

WINES 2


The last blog post was pretty much a vehicle to promote the impending Red Laser Disco party in Manchester The Gods shone on Bosco once again. The gaff was one in one out by 12.30. I also made a bit of MONEY (Italo promoter in cash profit shocker!!!!!) I did the rounds getting rid by giving some of the crew a well-deserved bonus.

Proper ace vibes down the Roadhouse


 Also on the night Randy Marsh and Bathtub rocked up with the first ever Red Laser Merch. Seems Marsh has turned his ‘tomb in Levenshulme’ into a slick production line producing everything from from Wet Play edible pens to limited as fuk Red Laser T’s designed by Marsh himself. You can catch this stuff and much more exclusively at virtual Nubian supermarket ‘The Pyramid Suite’. Plenty exclusive shit from Manchester’s finest nights and labels appearing here so, ladies and gents, log on and peruse the isles inside the Great Pyramid on the grid. Ladies – You may even make it out of the Nile! “Wheres that yaks milk biiiaaattch!” "Click here for The Pyramid Suite"


So to the main event. Seems that lots of you enjoyed the wine reviews a while back. Well I know you did cos I’ve been getting mithered to fuk to do a second lot. So here it is, Enjoy with me some crackers ive guzzled over the last few months.

Calusari - Pinot Noir – Romania - 2011


Yeah I couldn’t believe it too when a trusted connoisseur passed the bottle for me to av a scan. Ro-fukin-mania!!!! I spent some time in Romania back in 1999 and travelled it well. If all European countries suddenly turned into people, Romania would be the Bi Polar woman with the heavy periods. She's part amazingly beautiful, part unbearably terrible. Like a grumpy old gardener losing the war against the weeds, political fuckwit Ceausescu tried to concrete the whole fukin country and make it an industrial driveway into to Russia. I saw factory’s that belched unusual colours of smoke from chimneys built as high as 4 meters so I was expecting this tipple to taste of rust, sulphur and Gypsy shit. WRONG!! Just like the Transylvanian Alps this cracker is big, clean and beautiful. It’s also well cheap at around 7 nicker a bottle. While sitting in the garden on a sunny day Its colour was the first thing that hit my senses. It looked like liquefied ruby’s in a glass because of its fantastic bright jewel like appearance. Shit got even better when I started sinkin the bottle. It was so easy to quaff because of its complex mixture of vanilla, morning dew and cherry lips. Yeah that’s right those perfumey sweets shaped like luscious lips you used to get years ago. Verdict - Great outdoor sozzler. Goes well with plastic chairs and massive trampolines.

Errazuriz Wild Ferment - Pinot Noir -2009


Those Chilean dudes keep pumpin out high quality grog and now they kickin one of my favourite grapes too, the Pinot Noir. Possibly the longest thinnest country in the world Chile boasts a 6 and a half thousand mile eastern coastline that converts Pacific moisture into rain falling on mild mannered lama farmers and volcanic mountainside vineyards. The heady mix of fertile and exotic finds itself encompassed in this great wine with a bouquet so big you can smell it well before your chops hit the crystal. Like a big bunch of flowers has been thrust in your face it has a huge nose and then predictably a much subtler taste.  Its soft strawberries and cream decay has a fresh summer feel to it and is great with decent bread and butter or ham and mustard sarnies. Verdict – Mega grog but full only reaches its full potential if you've got massive nostrils

La Umbra – Merlot – Romania - 2012


Once again its Ro-Fukin- mania. Those Romany gypos must of realised theirs no money to be made flogging flashing badges to pissed up bulbs outside nightclubs, selling bunches of heather and peddling ‘curse reverse’ charges. Instead they’ve got whole family are stomping on grapes and boy do those Romanian wines taste good. I was in Nisa down the road and spotted this at £7.00 on the shelf. (Nisa = Lower ranks corner shop chain) That’s well expensive for Nisa!  7 quid for an onslaught of jammy plums, sundried berries and gritty tannins. Beware – half a bottle of this will leave your teeth  looking like you’ve been munching the Mrs at the wrong time of the month. (Does not apply to post-menopausal readers).  Verdict - Ace with meat

Musar Jeaune Rouge – Lebanon - 2011


I just can’t get enough of Lebanese wine at the moment. Château St Thomas and Chateau Musar  never fail to give me a hard on. And talkin of the latter I’m returning to that same vineyard I did in the first wines blog for another review but this time legendary wine maker Gaston Hochar has made it affordable for all us skint fukers that wanna just drink good shit at austerity prices. Chateaux Musar have created a young wine, not for storage or decanting. A straight outa da bottle hustler that’s cheeky as fuk and still delivers. Its around 8 quid in Booths and has all the characteristics of its vintage cousin but with a lot subtler depth. This young sexy fuk delivers leather and liquorice across the back of the tongue while tingling the tip with spiced damson and black berries. Its like snoggin a 35 year old glass collector workin in Witherspoons who’s addicted to cherry flavoured lip balm. Verdict - Fun and moreish. Fantastic with a cig

Angelo Veglio – Barolo,  Italy - 2008



This review comes with a story of how NOT to run your bespoke wine store. While Bosco was deep in his quest for inspirational wines to blog on about he noticed a new wine shop had sprung up in Chorlton, which is Manchester’s ‘hipster of a certain age’ capital. I decided it would be the place for me to go and get that budget buster needed to complete the blog post and so I thought about what I could purchase.  A classic Italian Borolo was the first inspiration to penetrate my dome because of its expensive notoriety and ace ‘roll off the tongue’ regional name. I had high hopes for a new genre of wine shop with an original outlook including an ‘everyone is welcome’ ethos. What I actually experienced was the fukin opposite! I opened the door into a (admittedly) well designed space. But immediately the first warning alarm went off in my bonce, No fukin music? Compete silence!!            

To make the silence worse, the door shut behind me and I was the only punter in the shop. Also to make this situation worserer, the guy behind the counter just fukin stared at me.  

S I L E N C E

I spoke first ‘Iya mate you alrite?” (Now I was doin his fukin job!!)  He nodded and I realised my accent hadn’t helped the situation. What situation u ask? The bald Salfordian wearing a black gortex jacket in a wine shop type situation. This fuk must have thought he was getting robbed or summat. He had the expression of a bank teller lookin for the ‘under counter alarm button’ while never actually lookin down….. SO lets investigate the first 40 seconds of my experience - Wheres the fukin customer service? Where’s the bright and breezy ‘Hello, come in, come in. Please take a look around and if you have any questions or want any advice I would be happy to help.”????  The situation had already made me wish I was in a supermarket!!!! Things did not get any better. “Got any Borolo’s mate?” “er Yes” said the 6 foot corpse, and he reluctantly walked to the back of the shop and pointed at some bottles on a high shelf. “We have 2” he said and proceeded to watch me struggle on tippy toes trying to reach the bastard bottle, then wobble off balance nearly takin out all the bottles below. I thought “what the fuk am I doin?” I didn’t care anymore. I was gonna make this awkward for my own amusement.  I turned up the accent for affect. “e ar mate your tall init get that for me for fuks sake”. He did  without saying a word and we found ourselves back at the counter without any bottle information given, alternatives offered or advice for culinary marriages. I turned up the heat “Yer ever get any Lebanese shit in ere mate?” His answer was simply  - “no”. I asked if there was a website and finished him off by promising I would book for me and ‘my crew’ to attend there next wine tasting session.



In short it was a painful experience. The thing is I worked it out that me and the Mrs on average sink around 4 bottles a week. Average price 7 nicker. 4 x 7 =£28. £28 x 52 = £1450.00 a year just in our gaff. If those cunts had 20 gaffs like ours buying from them then that’s £30k a year. There must be a thousand houses like ours in Stretford alone lads. Sort it out. If others have the same experience as me they would potentially lose a fortune. I will go in again and give it one more chance. They may have had a bad day but if it was about stigma then theyr fucked and probably be closed in a year.

Anyway the wine – Borolo’s are famously pricey and at so 19 quid this was a cheapo bottle. The fuker had to be decanted for at least an hour so we had it poured well before our evening scran. When the time was right we engaged our senses on the tipple. It has a nice clear garnet colour with what seemed to be very little tannins. The legs on the glass looked like they belong to Linford Christie and no wonder at 14% alcohol. The Mrs (the wonderful Emerald) immediately picked up the smell of almonds on the nose. “Hints of Bakewell tart” she said, which was bang on the money. Even tho the nose was deep the grog itself was sharp and cut the tongue with cranberries and cherry. This got better with every flush and is typcal of some strong wines that sometimes need your gob to adjust before its potential can be achieved. By glass number 2 I was sold and was throwing it down my neck. Verdict - Even tho the bottle recons this is best taken with meats and hard cheeses I advise Horror Disco and Analogue Chug


Il Bosco